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Tuesday - March 28, 2023

Articles Written By AlanTapley

 

Picks to Make March Madness – March Gladness

March 14th, 2023
Credit - ESPN

Are you struggling to find North Carolina on your bracket sheet? Does Northwestern sound more like a regional site than a 7-seed? Did you assume that Gradey Dick was the name of an adult film star? If the answers to these questions are yes, I am here to help you. Like you, I may not be able to find the Furman Paladins on a map or define exactly what a Paladin is – but I can tell you that the 13th seed is a 5.5 point underdog to the Virginia Cavaliers, and that the point spread is a little misleading due to Virginia’s slow pace of play and defensive prowess. I can also tell you that the March... Read More

White Men CAN Jump!

February 21st, 2023
image via sports illustrated

In the 1992 classic film, White Men Can’t Jump, Woody Harrelson plays the role of Billy Hoyle. A short, white, basketball hustler that makes his living on the fact that everyone underestimates his abilities. Last weekend, at the NBA Slam Dunk Contest, Matthew “Mac” McClung went Billy Hoyle on the entire viewing world. The NBA Slam Dunk Contest used to feature such stars as Michael Jordan, Vince Carter, and Kobe Bryant. McClung was only eligible because he basically signed a 10-day contract with the Philadelphia 76ers – with a locker still waiting for him back in the G-League. As a matter... Read More

Kyrie Irving – Here We Go Again

February 7th, 2023

Let’s see if I have this right. Kyrie Irving demands a trade from Cleveland, bails on the Celtics, and eventually ends up a Brooklyn Net. In Brooklyn, Kyrie chases James Harden out of town, refuses to get vaccinated, shares antisemitic posts on his social media, refuses to apologize, eventually apologizes, and begrudgingly opts-in to stay with the Nets for $36.5 million. Things finally calm down in Brooklyn as Jacque Vaughn takes over for the fired Steve Nash, Kyrie rarely misses a start, averages 27 points-per-game, and the Nets start playing some of the best basketball in the NBA as they look... Read More

The Problem with Pickleball

January 24th, 2023

Late last summer, following the fast-growing trend, my gym made the decision to convert the entirety of its rooftop tennis courts into Pickleball courts. I get it. Pickleball is low-impact and all-inclusive. I see husbands and wives playing, the coordinated and the not-so-coordinated playing, the fit and not-quite-as fit, and plenty of elderly. Sometimes all on the same court! Gyms are now considered Judge Free Zones – so I accepted the change, tried not to judge, and moved on. A few months later, the gym continued its deconstruction by converting the indoor basketball court into permanent Pickleball... Read More

Hamlin – Harbaugh – And Those Sad Little Horned Frogs

January 10th, 2023

The memory is still fresh in our minds. A player lays motionless on the field as fans watch in disbelief. A sight so horrific that many cannot bear to watch, and yet, cannot look away. A stadium of enthusiastic fans, painted faces, and cheering voices – suddenly turned silent. No, I am not talking about Damar Hamlin. He’s doing great! I am talking about Georgia’s 65-7 drubbing over TCU in the College Football Playoff National Championship on Monday night. Actually, it wasn’t just one player laying motionless on the field, it was an entire TCU secondary that seemed motionless. The defensive... Read More

Denver Broncos – That’s Not What I Asked For

December 27th, 2022

The lights flickered off the Christmas tree like stars in the dark sky. The table was set with fancy holiday dishes, festive wine glasses, and charcuterie filled with various gourmet cheeses and prosciutto. Filled stockings hung off the fireplace, expensive bourbon poured into those with eggnog, while the scent of Grandma’s sugar cookies filled the air. It was the perfect Christmas. The matching family pajamas may have been a little over-the-top, as was the hula-hooping Santa Claus that rotated around on the mantle. But nothing was going to embarrass me on this day. Nothing was going to spoil... Read More

The Worst Season Ever?

December 13th, 2022

Historically speaking, Jack Faulkner’s 1963 Denver Broncos are considered the worst squad in franchise history as the team finished the season with a disastrous record of 2-11-1. But that was a little before our time. Recent memories may have you thinking about Vance Joseph’s 2017 Broncos (5-11) that relied on the laughable trio of Trevor Siemian, Brock Osweiller, and Paxton Lynch to steer their sinking ship. Or Vic Fangio’s 2020 Broncos (5-11) and the failed Drew Lock experiment. But I always refer back to the Josh McDaniels team of 2010 as Denver’s blueprint of football futility. In... Read More

The World Cup – An American Perspective

November 29th, 2022

Who doesn’t have World Cup fever? After all, the sport of soccer is played by more than twenty million people in 140 countries, with an estimated viewing audience of 3.5 billion fans. The World Cup offers you stars like Lionel Messi of Argentina, Neymar of Brazil, and Cristiano Renaldo of Portugal. Packed venues with crazy fans, painted faces, and waving flags. And Cinderella stories of David vs Goliath, Morocco vs Belgium, and Costa Rica vs Japan. Call me at 6am so I can head down to the local pub no matter what time zone, ask me to throw on my favorite Juventus FC jersey, tell me paint my... Read More

Buyer’s Remorse

November 15th, 2022

The Peloton bike was rolled into the front room of the house three months after promised. It was the early stages of the pandemic, the gyms were closed, and the room had been converted into a home gym with a weight bench, exercise ball, and a view of the cul-de-sac. The bike cost around $2500 as I recall, unclear if that price included the four sets of shoes, Peloton logoed water bottles, hand weights, or yoga mat. The monthly subscription was another $40 per month for virtual classes, instructors, and guidance. Our family used it religiously for three months – until we didn’t. The Peloton... Read More

What Did Your Sports Hero Dress Up As For Halloween?

November 1st, 2022

Besides the sugar-buzz from devouring fun-sized Snicker bars all weekend, the best part was watching famous athletes walking arena halls in their Halloween best. The Celtics’ Grant Williams went full Gotham in a Batman costume. Atlanta’s Trae Young dressed as the Black Panther. The Nuggets’ Nikola Jokic was appropriately made up as The Joker. And most everyone else in the sports world showed up as some type of character from Stranger Things. I didn’t happen to catch what quarterback Russell Wilson dressed up as pre-game, but I had a few guesses. • Russell could have dressed up as... Read More

The Denver Broncos – No Laughing Matter

October 18th, 2022

Let me get this straight. Denver brings in Nathaniel Hackett, Aaron Rodgers’ offensive guru to run the team. Trades for quarterback Russell Wilson, a Super Bowl winning first ballot Hall-of-Famer, and signs him to a $245 million dollar contract. Starts the season against a laughable schedule that includes the Seahawks, Texans, and winless Raiders. And the Broncos are 2-4 averaging a league worst 15.1 points per game? • It’s bad enough that the Broncos are the laughingstock of the league right now, but is it necessary to keep putting them on the big stage for all to see? The loss to the... Read More

So Many Games – I’m Getting a Sponer

October 4th, 2022

It is hard to describe my excitement of the current sports calendar. It is as if the Sport Gods opened up the heavens and simply let it rain. The NFL kickoff could have satisfied my fix as entertainment filled my Sundays, Mondays, and even Thursdays. But add to that the college football season and I really start to get aroused. Using the term aroused intertwined with sports seems a little creepy, but it is not sexual. It’s not like I’m Ime Udoka of the Boston Celtics or anything. And after months of meaningless baseball, the MLB is finally getting good. Teams fighting for playoff spots,... Read More

Fantasy Football’s All-Madden(ing) Team

September 20th, 2022

The All-Madden Team was named after former Oakland Raider coach, and sportscaster great, John Madden. It celebrated the attributes that Madden looked for in his players. Toughness, grit, and determination. The All-Maddening Team is completely different. The name – purely coincidence. The All-Maddening Team is a regretful look at the players you drafted in your fantasy league and the maddening decisions that were made. More mistakes than Nathaniel Hackett. More misses than Rodrigo Blankenship. More bad picks than Joe Burrow. Meet the team, and the players that are ruining your season. Quarterbacks... Read More

The Week in Sports – And the Walk-Out Song

September 6th, 2022

As Serena Williams took to the court for what was presumed to be the final match of her career, the audience roared – but the music stayed silent. Unlike baseball in which songs by AC/DC, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, or The Notorious B.I.G. could blast through speakers to elevate crowds – Tennis is simply too regal, too proper, and light clapping will suffice. But what if there was a walk-out song? Can you imagine the response if Serena Williams paid homage to her upbringing and took the court to the sounds of Tupac Shakur’s “California Love”? In the city, the city of Compton – we... Read More

Is Fishing a Sport?

August 28th, 2022

On my way to the gym last Saturday morning, I took the opportunity to listen to a little sports radio, hoping to find out the latest news on the Rockies, Broncos, or other local sports. Instead, the topic of conversation was about trout fishing. As I double-checked the station to confirm that I was listening to sports talk radio and not NPR, the host rambled on about fishing on the Roaring Fork River. There are three questions that have baffled mankind since the existence of time. Is there life after death? What came first, the chicken or the egg? And is fishing really a sport? Step one in my journey... Read More

Fantasy Football – And the Healthy Alternative

August 23rd, 2022

By the time the 2021 Fantasy Football season had ended, my team looked like a MASH unit. Cooper Kupp had helped me secure the number one seed for the playoffs, but my players were dropping like flies. Derrick Henry was rehabbing, DeAndre Hopkins was sidelined, and Lamar Jackson had to be replaced by Washington quarterback, Taylor Heincke. I lost big. But last year’s squad was like a Taco Bell Chalupa. It looked good on the surface and tasted pretty good at the time. But after the fact, all I was left with was unhealthy ingredients, pain, and regret. Instead of the Chalupa, this year’s... Read More

Golf and the LIV Tour – They’re Scary MFers

July 26th, 2022

The concept sounds reasonable on the surface. Create an international golf league to compete with the PGA, change up the rules a little, offer more money, and poach big-name talent to help market and legitimize. Golf legend Greg Norman is the new Chief Executive Officer of the LIV Tour. A golf tour in which Hip-Hop music is cranked on the driving range, three rounds are played versus four, and players are paid handsomely, no matter how well they perform. Dustin Johnson and Bryson DeChambeau joined the LIV Tour collecting $125 Million each. And after Tiger Woods turned down a reported nine-digit... Read More

ALL-STAR CJ CRON – AND WHAT THE C AND J STAND FOR

July 12th, 2022

It makes sense that C.J Cron has gone virtually unnoticed for the last nine years. The first baseman/DH spent the first four years of his major league career in the shadows of Mike Trout and Albert Pujois in Anaheim. The next three years were spent buried in the obscurity of the Tampa Bay Rays, Minnesota Twins, and Detroit Tigers. After batting just .190 for the Tigers, and with limited options, Cron found himself signing a minor league contract with the Colorado Rockies that happened to include an invitation to Spring Training. Making the major league roster was quite the accomplishment but... Read More

Why Winning The Stanley Cup is Better Than Sex

June 28th, 2022

The final seconds were ticking down, the net was empty, and the Colorado Avalanche were just a puck-clear away from winning it all. Gabriel Landeskog was on the bench after crawling off the ice, Tampa Bay was on the attack with an extra skater, and Darcy Kuemper had been ridiculed all series for letting in soft goals. Moments like this are what sports are made of. Anxiety mixed with exhilaration plus torture. I couldn’t watch, and yet, I couldn’t look away. With sixteen seconds left, the Avs got a stop near the blue line as the puck slowly trickled down the ice. Cale Makar fought for the... Read More

What the Puck?!! – It’s Been Twenty Years?!!

June 14th, 2022

The last time the Colorado Avalanche won the Stanley Cup – Britney was dating Justin, Beyonce was still a Destiny’s Child, and Joe Sakic wore skates to work each morning. Instead of a suit and tie. The year was 2001, and while society was busy dancing to songs downloaded off Napster, the current Avalanche squad was so young, that they were most likely going down for Nap Time. On Wednesday, the 2022 Colorado Avalanche will begin their quest to lift Lord Stanley’s Cup as they take on the Tampa Bay Lightning in Game 1 – but to describe how excruciatingly long the two-decade wait has been... Read More