With the NFL season beginning on Thursday, I’m assuming that most of us have completed our fantasy football drafts.

Your draft probably didn’t go as planned, as you selected eighth, the top quarterbacks and tight ends were taken sooner than you wished, and you loaded up on the running back position, leaving Zay Flowers as your WR1.

It’s called buyer’s remorse, that sick feeling you get in the Kyle Pitts of your stomach, wondering if you have chosen the wrong player and made a horrific mistake.

If you took Nico Collins or Malik Nabers last season, who both went down with injuries, that’s just bad luck, and you should probably get a Breece Hall pass for that. But Puka Nacua gets injured every season, Christian McCaffrey hadn’t played for months, and great tight ends are usually gone by round ten. That’s on you.

Let’s take a look at the players, takes, and mistakes that may have cost you the season.

Christian McCaffrey – I name the guy Christian My Calf! My Knee! And Pray Like a Christian That He Doesn’t Get Injured, and you still picked the guy as your RB1.

McCaffrey could win you the season if he plays 17 games, but you have to stay away from players with a history of injuries. Cooper apparently doesn’t wear his Kupp. Is it Puka Nacua or Nacua puking on the sidelines? Joe can be Mixon Percocet with HGH, but he’s still not healthy. And Nick’s Chubb issues are well, kind of personal.

I’m sure it would be fun to draft Tua Tagovailoa and Chris Olave and call your team the Concussion Brotocols, but those two aren’t going to make it through the season.

I’m sure you would love to draft Ricky Pearsall and Brian Robinson and throw them in shotgun formation, but that’s not going to win your league.

Credit via Wikipedia

Najee Harris almost lost an eye in a fireworks accident. No matter the value, you can’t draft a guy with a serious injury, even if he brings a spark off the bench. But you can go all in on Hampton Inn (Omarion Hampton). In the Chargers’ run-first offense, Hampton is not a 5-star, but he’s reliable, affordable, and should be good enough that you’ll sleep well each night.

I ended up with Ass-ton Jeanty as my RB1. Because if I’m going to draft a 5’7 running back from the Mountain West over James Cook, Kyren Williams, and Derrick Henry – he better score an Ass Ton of points.

The wide receiver position was more difficult than I thought it would be.

I call Justin Jefferson, Trust In Jefferson, because the guy catches 100 passes no matter who is throwing him the ball. But I have no trust in JJ McCarthy.

Actually, I trust all the former LSU receivers (Ja’Maar Chase, Jefferson, Malik Nabers, and Brian Thomas Jr.) but not everyone from Ohio State.

Marvin Harrison Jr. struggled for the Cardinals, Garrett Wilson has no quarterback, Chris Olave has concussion issues, and Emeka Egbuka is just a rookie.

Credit via NBC Sports

I would have drafted Ohio State’s Jaxon Smith-Njigba as my WR1 but got him confused with Jacory Croskey-Merritt, a running back for the Commanders, and I panicked.

If you didn’t grab Brock Bowers, Trey McBride, or George Kittle early, the tight end position was pretty George Slim Pickens after that.

I went with Tyler Warren and nicknamed him Tyler Warren Peace. Like the classic Tolstoy novel of over 1,600 pages, with Daniel Jones or Anthony Richardson throwing you the ball, it’s going to be long season.

I grabbed Jalen Hurts in the fourth round because I would rather have a Mrs. Field’s than Justin Fields, Baker Mayfield, or Sam Darnold on my field. I just don’t trust them.

Still can’t believe that those three quarterbacks have played for 12 teams combined and are now making millions of dollars as starting QBs. Maybe we gave up on Josh Rosen too early.

Credit via The Replacements

Not sure about Cam Skattebo either. Skater Boy was awesome at ASU, dominating with his physical play at the running back position. But he reminds me of Jon Favreau’s character in The Replacements. Intense, tough, undersized, and gets his butt kicked when the scrubs are replaced by true professionals.

How does it go? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me five times, and you apparently drafted Kyle Pitts again.

Finally, I could see drafting Joe Flacco and him aging like a fine wine out there. Blood red and splattered all over the floor.

I could see Shedeur Sanders as a nice late-round pick-up as well. We know he can throw, and after seeing him with Cleveland’s third-string offensive line, we know he can run as well – for his life.

And I could see Dillon Gabriel, if his offensive line could just duck down a little bit.

Credit via Newsweek

Images via thereplacements, newsweek, Wikipedia, nbcsports

Alan Tapley The Athletic Supporter

Alan Tapley is an educator, author, and blogger who has lived just outside of Boulder for the last twenty years.  His published work includes two novels, two children’s books, a series of cartoons in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, and multiple sports related articles. His love for family and the state of Colorado is only matched by one thing, his passion for sports.  The first baseball game he ever attended was at Wrigley Field, before there were lights.  At the final Bronco game at the old Mile High, he allegedly cut out a piece of his seat in the South stands.  But regardless of being here for the Avalanche’s last Stanley Cup, the Rockies only World Series appearance, and all the Broncos’ Super Bowl Victories, his wife never fails to remind him that he wasn’t at the University of Colorado in 1990, like she was.  The year the Buffs football team won the National Championship