Every year I provide my readers with valuable insight that helps support their Fantasy Football rosters.

I list the top running backs, sleeper picks, and draft strategies necessary for success. I list a dozen wide receiver 2’s that most have never even heard of. I keep you calm as others panic, drafting quarterbacks and tight ends many rounds before they should have.

Yet, how do you reward me?

You butcher your squad by coming up with lame team names such as The Dak Attack, Purdy Damn Good, and Houston – We Have No Problem.

Did you learn nothing from last year’s gems that suggested team names such as Cooper Wear Your Kupp, or Jalen It Hurts When I Pee?

Were you not listening when I suggested a team name that inappropriately made fun of the Miami Dolphins’ quarterback that was struggling with concussions? Hey Coach, I See Tua Them.

Well, it’s not too late to find that perfect team name whether you’re a homer, a hater, or simply want to make fun of Harrison Butker.

But you may want to take notes this time.

Nothing derails a Fantasy Football season like player injuries. So, depending on who made your roster, may I suggest Don’t Strain Your DK Left Calf, or Praying Like a Christian that McCaffrey Stays Healthy as a couple of team names.

Drafting a wide receiver can often lead to a variety of strong team names. I like C’mon-Ra St. Brown! I Drafted You in the Top Five! Or This CeeDee Gives a Great Rate of Return.

Credit via IMDb

You could do something simple like Malik, Won’t You Be My Nabers, Like a Good Nabers – State Farm is There. Or even Ja’Marr Chase That Bag!

Credit via Detroit Lions

I’m not sure there are any Taylor Swift plays left for your team name if you end up with Travis Kelce at tight end, but Kmetment to Excellence is cute, TJ Mockinson (because with his injuries, he’s only worth taking in Mock Drafts.), and I really like La Porta Potty – I Sure Hope He Doesn’t Stink.

Credit via Wikipedia

If you draft Bijan Robinson at the running back position, the mustard theme is getting old. I like Bijan Frise – That’s My Dog! And Study Group at Breece Hall has a nice ring to it.

Naming your team the San Francisco 13 and 4ers or The Titans – You’re the Only 7 and 10 I See could work. Purple Reign has a nice Minnesota Prince theme to it. And you could also use Edgar Allen Poe’s – Quoth the Ravens Nevermore, and since no one knows what that actually means, they’ll just have to appreciate it or they’ll look stupid.

As for Harrison Butker, the Kansas City Chiefs field goal kicker whose divisive commencement speech went viral, in the wrong way. I like the team name Harry Bum Butker – in case his speech still wasn’t quite manly enough for you.

But it’s a quarterback league and thus, I have plenty of quarterback related team names.

Kirk Married His Second Cousins is funnier now that he plays in the South. Kyler Hurry – Your Pocket is Collapsing Again. And Jayden and Jack Daniels – Best Combo in the League.

Bo Knows Football and Love My Quarterly Bo Nix are cute. Derek Where’s My Carr is a classic. And I like Josh, Allen. Where Did All Your Receivers Go?

Credit via Wikipedia

How about Bryce Young and the Restless. Deshaun Wants Some. Do You Still Think Russell Wilson’s a Steel? Or if you’re a Green Bay Packers fan, The Love Boat – Soon Will be Making Another Run.

If Raiders quarterback Gardner Minshew is in your Fantasy lineup, it’ll probably be a long season. But imagine the team names available when your Gardner can see the field, smell grass, stays off the weed, and trims bush.

But my favorite is a shout out to the Detroit Lions and their quarterback’s recent success. Team name – Turn Your Head and Goff.

You have studied your draft board for months, checked all the injury reports, and participated in dozens of Mock Drafts in preparation for your big day.

So, whether it’s The DakStreet Boys, Baby Got Dak or Hit Me with Your Prescott.

You’ve got one more name to take care of.

Images via SportsIllustrated, IMDb, Wikipedia, Detroit Lions

Alan Tapley The Athletic Supporter

Alan Tapley is an educator, author, and blogger who has lived just outside of Boulder for the last twenty years.  His published work includes two novels, two children’s books, a series of cartoons in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, and multiple sports related articles. His love for family and the state of Colorado is only matched by one thing, his passion for sports.  The first baseball game he ever attended was at Wrigley Field, before there were lights.  At the final Bronco game at the old Mile High, he allegedly cut out a piece of his seat in the South stands.  But regardless of being here for the Avalanche’s last Stanley Cup, the Rockies only World Series appearance, and all the Broncos’ Super Bowl Victories, his wife never fails to remind him that he wasn’t at the University of Colorado in 1990, like she was.  The year the Buffs football team won the National Championship