My friend Bob (not a pseudonym) loves schlock horror movies. They’re like cinematic meth for him, and he simply cannot get enough of them. If the film in question has a low budget, gore effects that are questionable/plentiful, and some kind of a fun gimmick, he’ll settle in with a beatific smile on his mug.

Good for him, I say. While I have as much interest in schlock horror as I do with Christmas rom-coms, which is to say close to zero, I do think it’s a genre that’s unfairly overlooked. Not so much because of hidden social messages, but more that it can be an effective training ground. For example, James Gunn got his start at Troma, and he proved that if he was given an eensy-weensy budget, he could deliver something that was, at minimum, entertaining.

Schlock horror is also one of the purest examples of indie filmmaking. It embodies the ethos of “Let’s make a thing” perhaps better than any other genre, and for that alone, I’m always inclined to cut it some slack. That brings us to the unfortunately and accurately titled Alien Love, an Australian schlock horror flick that’s heavy on schlock and light on substance.

We’re introduced to Sadie Van Hill-Song (Ira Chakraborty), a young woman residing in the Australian city of Melbourne. Her life seems to be on a relatively smooth glide path, considering that she’s married to astronaut Ryan Van Hill-Song and the two blissfully happy lovebirds are planning a move to the good old U.S. of A.*

There’s only one problem. It involves, as so many of us can relate to, a space mission** that goes a tiny bit wobbly. While in the great void of the galaxy, mission control loses contact with Ryan for sixty seconds. Not that big a deal, right? As it turns out, it might be a slightly big deal, as Sadie learns.

When Ryan returns to the big blue marble, he seems a little…different. Could it be that he’s put out by Sadie’s half-assed welcome home party?*** Sure. The larger issue is that the Ryan who left was friendly, open, a bit of a horndog and a bit of a chatterbox. The Ryan who returned is closed-off, taciturn…and still a bit of a horndog. That doesn’t stop Sadie and Ryan from making the beast with two backs, but she’s still concerned about him, even if it’s only in the Susan Collins sense. 

Sadie should be a damn sight more concerned. It’s strange that Ryan attends an AA (Aliens Anonymous, yes, seriously) meeting. It’s perplexing that he keeps returning to Westall High School, the site of a real UFO sighting in 1966.**** It’s downright odd that agents from NASA’s intelligence division (Yes, seriously) are snooping around. And I might even go so far as to say it’s real friggin’ weird that Sadie suspects her new pregnancy might be of extraterrestrial origin.

So…look. Two things can be true at the same time. The first is that any time a movie is made, it’s a low grade miracle. The second is that Alien Love isn’t very good, even by the standards of schlock horror. I don’t think the problem is the film’s million dollar budget, since I’ve seen other movies that cost less that got more bang for the buck. Instead, director Simon Oliver has made what looks an awful lot like a cinematic first draft. It feels weirdly underdeveloped, both in terms of ideas and execution. For a film with a seventy-five minute runtime, it often drags. That’s partially due to dodgy edits, scenes that run too long, and sluggish pacing. This film doesn’t work, but there are aspects of the direction that make me think Oliver has it in him to make stronger films in the future.

The larger issue, I think, is the screenplay by Nathan Hill and Simon Salamon. We’ve seen “an astronaut comes back from space changed” in films like the not very good The Astronaut’s Wife and the joyfully sleazy Species II.***** That’s what’s happening here, and as a core concept, I’m good with it. However, two things still needed to happen. The first is, since Ryan is now inhabited/controlled by an alien, what’s his endgame? It’s not enough for him to want to impregnate his wife. Do the aliens want to do this as a form of conquest? Are they trying to transform the human species into a more “enlightened” form? The script doesn’t seem to know, so all we know is that it’s happening because of reasons. The second issue is that how the characters feel about this development is, well, underdeveloped. We know that Sadie is freaked out about Ryan’s change and her intergalactic pregnancy. Then what? There needed to be more dramatic conflict, more of a sense of Sadie having a plan, that plan failing, then her needing to come up with something else based on new information. A few more carefully considered drafts would have likely dealt with those issues and created a stronger and tighter narrative.

But let’s say you need to go into production ASAP and the script simply isn’t there. What’s the move? The move I keep seeing from indies and studio films alike is to cast actors correctly, and hope their charisma will distract the audience. With two solid actors in the lead here, it could have partially worked. On the one hand, I liked Nathan Hill’s performance as Ryan. Before space, he’s a nice dude with laid-back likability. After space, Hill adjusts his performance to be alien in a low key sense. The way he moves, the way his eyes glide across what he’s looking at, it’s as if his body is being piloted. He’s locked down emotionally, and while I get that choice, I wished I had a sense of what the creature inside him was thinking and feeling. On the other hand? I didn’t like Ira Chakraborty’s performance as Sadie. She’s never able to hit the emotional beats needed to make her character compelling. Does that logically mean Chakraborty is a bad actor.? I don’t think so. I’ve seen enough (perhaps too many?) movies to know that a talented performer can be severely hurt by a sub-par script. My gut tells me that, had Chakraborty’s role been seriously revised, she could have risen to the occasion. Instead, she had a boulder chained to her ankle.

Alien Love is ultimately a swing and a miss. A severely undercooked script, inconsistent acting, and direction that needed more time and preparation all undermine this film. If you’re a fan of schlock horror, this film won’t give you the gore, skin, or laughs you’re looking for. That might be bad news for Bob, but the good news is that he can always watch The Stuff or Motel Hell again.

*Okay, that part is not necessarily an improvement.

**In true schlock horror tradition, all we’re told about Ryan’s space mission is that he went to space.

***Also in true schlock horror tradition, we immediately see the limits of the budget due to literally nobody attending Ryan’s party other than Sadie, and the only decoration being a chintzy “Welcome Home!” banner. If I left the planet and safely returned, I’d expect a little more than that.

****Which you can learn more about here.

*****It bears mentioning that the original Species, while also sleazy, is kind of actually good. 

Tim Brennan Movie Critic

Tim has been alarmingly enthusiastic about movies ever since childhood. He grew up in Boulder and, foolishly, left Colorado to study Communications in Washington State. Making matters worse, he moved to Connecticut after meeting his too-good-for-him wife. Drawn by the Rockies and a mild climate, he triumphantly returned and settled down back in Boulder County. He's written numerous screenplays, loves hiking, and embarrassed himself in front of Samuel L. Jackson. True story.