Ryan McMahon was named the Colorado Rockies token All-Star reserve last week in Major League Baseball’s version of “Orange slices for everyone.”

As of yesterday, McMahon was hitting .274 with 14 HRs and 45 RBIs for a team that currently sits in last place with a record of 32-59.

In a game that showcases stars like Aaron Judge, Bryce Harper, and Shohei Ohtani, it may surprise some that McMahon was added to the National League roster. Afterall, while this will be the first All-Star Game appearance for McMahon, it is still one more than Kirk Gibson ever played in.

But, like Elias Diaz (2023), CJ Cron (2022), and German Marquez (2021) before him, McMahon continued the streak of lone Rockies to play in the All-Star Game since every team gets at least one representative.

And somebody must be chosen.

Don’t get me wrong. Ryan McMahon may arguably be the Rockies’ best player, but he’s hardly a household name. Heck, I’ve been mistakenly referring to him as Brandon McManus since he joined the team back in 2017.

Jurickson Profar, a left fielder for the San Diego Padres just made his first All-Star Game as well.

Profar signed a professional contract as a 16-year-old out of Curacao, but the can’t-miss-prospect struggled with injuries for most of his career. Profar lost his starting job, bounced from team to team, was sent to the minor league multiple times, and was even released by the Rockies before signing a minor league contract with the Padres at the age of 31.

This year, Profar is hitting .315 with 14 HRs and 59 RBIs, while leading the entire National League in fan votes. That’s earning a spot.

Ryan McMahon simply beat out Brenton Doyle for the best player on a team that sucks award.

Enjoy that orange slice.

I’m not blaming McMahon for the All-Star Game’s stupid inclusivity rules. But I do have a few ideas for a Rockies’ All-Star representative that may have worked a little better.

Credit via Wikipedia

• Kris Bryant – But the PA announcer would have to say, “Representing the Colorado Rockies, and currently hitting just .186 with 2 HRs and 10 RBIs, the highest paid player in team history with a seven-year/$182 million disaster of a deal, third baseman – Kris Bryant!”

Bryant deserves public humiliation larger than just the 17,000 fans that show up at Coors Field each home game.

Credit via Sports Illustrated

• Nolan Arenado – Arenado may be hitting just .266 with 7 HRs and 37 RBIs, but wouldn’t you love to see him in a Rockies’ uniform just one more time.

Credit via ESPN

• Charlie Blackmon – Sure, Blackmon isn’t deserving anymore as he’s hitting just .256 with 4 HRs. But underneath that beard is still the Face of the Franchise. Just list his stats from 2017, play the song by “The Outfield,” and nobody will notice that he’s not supposed to be there. It’s the Rockies – who is paying attention?

• Austin Gomber – Or any of the Rockies’ pitchers for that matter. You may think that a pitcher with a 2-5 record and a 4.47 ERA is a little weak to make him an All-Star representative. Which is why I’m suggesting that he pitches during the Homerun Derby instead.

Credit via Bleacher Report

• Dinger – What is more humiliating for the owner of a franchise than to have a fluffy purple dinosaur be the only member of your team to make an All-Star Game roster. Besides Kris Bryant that is.

We could have the mascot and Kris Bryant fight it out for the Rockies’ lone All-Star spot. That way Bryant actually has a chance to hit a dinger. Assuming he makes contact.

• Bud Black – The for the last six years Rockies fans have been asking the same question. How do we know if Bud Black can still manage if his team has no talent and loses 100 games every year? Well, give Bud a lineup that includes Ohtani, Harper, and Paul Skenes, and we should get our answer.

• How about no one – It was awesome to watch Elias Diaz hit a homerun and grab the MVP award last season, but Diaz, CJ Cron, Marquez, and now McMahon, were not deserving of a spot based on their statistics and team record. And ownership shouldn’t be rewarded simply because they have a franchise.

Arizona Diamondbacks’ Christian Walker is hitting .268 with 22 HRs and 64 RBIs. Walker’s team has won 13 more games than the Rockies, and yet, Walker is sitting at home during the All-Star Game – because the team ran out of roster spots.

Although, come to think of it. Ryan McMahon might be the perfect representative for the Colorado Rockies. Let the rest of the country watch our slightly better than average baseball player ground out in his only pinch-hitting appearance around the 8th inning, let the rest of the country pay $20 for a beer that gets warm in the hot sun, and let the rest of the country forget about the standings and watch a meaningless game in the middle of July.

Afterall, that’s Rockies baseball.

Images via yahoosports, espn, Wikipedia, sportsillustrated, bleacher report

Alan Tapley The Athletic Supporter

Alan Tapley is an educator, author, and blogger who has lived just outside of Boulder for the last twenty years.  His published work includes two novels, two children’s books, a series of cartoons in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, and multiple sports related articles. His love for family and the state of Colorado is only matched by one thing, his passion for sports.  The first baseball game he ever attended was at Wrigley Field, before there were lights.  At the final Bronco game at the old Mile High, he allegedly cut out a piece of his seat in the South stands.  But regardless of being here for the Avalanche’s last Stanley Cup, the Rockies only World Series appearance, and all the Broncos’ Super Bowl Victories, his wife never fails to remind him that he wasn’t at the University of Colorado in 1990, like she was.  The year the Buffs football team won the National Championship