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  Thursday - November 21st, 2024
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Boulder Animal Dangers!

 

Good Morning From The Land Of Satire And Huge Animals

 

Bovinus Stockshowius, A Recent Visitor To Denver at the National Western Stock Show! Not To Be Missed!

SATIRE TODAY

Boulder is home to a tremendous variety of wildlife. We are great at co-existing, especially when faced with specific threats to our ecosystem. Prairie Dogs are a great example of the ongoing struggle to co-exist. BUFFS are of course working on the problem.

THEN we have the wild, dangerous beasts only dreamed of in Jurassic Park. Remember, that was just a park. I’m going introduce you to more than a mere “park.” We’re going to explore and learn about certain more dangerous Boulder animals; ones worthy of respect and caution.

Sometimes a trip through rough waters with a professional escort is necessary to reach the habitats of these Boulder migrants. They should have stayed here! Now they’re nothing more than skin and bones!

Parents, please warn your children that these animals are members of the genus animus imaginus and that they will never see one. It’s the nature of the beast.

Here we go. Our first giant of the morning is the huge Tyrannosaurus Rex. This group of huge dinosaurs after more years than you can easily count finally got the attention it deserved in a series of movies. Only on the giant screen could the T. Rex begin to show its giant size.

Dinosaurus Tyrannosaurus Bonius. Proud Beast Found In Museums Staring At Visitors. Also Found In The Gift Shop

This bad girl speaks for herself! Simply stay back. More….More….. Oh Well. The next time I say “stay back,” you’d better stay back.

Botus Giganticus. Many Are Seen Around Large Seaports. Give Them A Wide Berth!

Some animals are not going extinct, but are doing the opposite! With time, they are becoming even more prolific. For example, here’s the Oceanus Cruisius Gigantus. These are frequently seen up and down the Atlantic Coast, should be approached with caution, and are know to carry dangerous quantities of alcohol. Care is called for.

When All Else Fails, When Your Life Preserver Has Been On For The Last Two Hours, And That Was Three Hours After You Went In Thge Water, It’s Time To Call For Professional Help.

Even when we find ourselves overcome by some of these larger animals, help is sometimes on the way. Either way, you get a GREAT view of the sunrise.

May be wind be over your port bow, may your suntan oil be thick.

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