Just Where We Want Them
The Los Angeles Dodgers took care of business this past weekend with a series sweep over the Colorado Rockies. The Rockies were thoroughly outplayed as the Dodger bats dominated the young Colorado pitching staff. While some may look at the loss as a missed opportunity, the reality is that the Rockies may have played it just right. A series loss simply means that everyone keeps the status quo. The Rockies come back home for the thin air, cold microbrews, just a few games back, and the Dodgers pick up their cars from the valet and head to some Botox appointment near Redondo Beach before heading out of town. Here are ten things that would’ve happened if the Rockies had swept the Dodgers.
1) In panic mode after the loss, the Dodgers open up their checkbook, again, and pick up Madison Bumgarner, Jon Lester, and Stephen Strasburg to shore up their pitching staff.
2) Three more players from AAA are called up, even better than Cody Bellinger.
3) Immediately after the series, the Dodgers announce the acquisition of their new third baseman, Nolan Arenado.
4) The Dodger fans would form a group protest and show up late, then leave around the seventh.
5) Denzel, Snoop, and other big names would stop showing up, leaving just an intoxicated Scott Baio behind the third base line as the celebrity representative.
6) Dodger Dogs would have to be sized-down to make up for the drop in attendance.
7) Clayton Kershaw starts pitching on three-days rest.
8) Bud Black leaves the Rockies for double the salary as Albuquerque’s new pitching coach.
9) The Monfort brothers double the price of beer, then trade away the Rockies best talent for fear of any lucrative long-term contracts.
10) 40,000 fans would leave Dodger Stadium early, the freeways are pure gridlock, and yet, no one notice the difference.
Relax, baseball fans. The Rockies are still playing great baseball and have their eyes on our first playoff appearance since 2009. Since joining the Major League, Colorado has only made the playoffs three times in 23 seasons. It was a rough three games, but I’m more concerned about the 84 games that are left. Go Rockies!