Considering that the first game of the NFL season doesn’t kick off until September 4th, one may think that it’s a little early to be talking about football.

NFL teams have cuts to make, depth charts to set, and meaningless preseason games to prepare for.

And while 6.9 million viewers tuned in for the NFL Hall of Fame game last week, no one is quite ready to hear about how DJ Uiagalelei looked at quarterback for the Chargers, or whether Detroit running back Craig Reynolds played well enough to move up to fourth string.

It’s even too early to talk about Fantasy Football.

Sure, you can race your buddies, play stupid games, and drink yourselves silly trying to figure out your fantasy draft order. But this early in the season, the only prep work to focus on is nailing that fantasy team name.

• Let’s start with the AFC. Whether you love the Pittsburgh Steelers or hate them, the Aaron Rodgers signing must be the biggest story of the offseason. After last season’s debacle playing for the Jets, the fantasy name, An Aaron in Judgement, has a nice ring to it.

The Steelers picked up DK Metcalf, Darius Slay, Jalen Ramsey, and signed TJ Watt to the largest non-quarterback contract in NFL history. But I still like The Steel Certain. As in, certain to go 9-8 or 10-7, then lose in the first round of the playoffs.

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• The Cleveland Browns are a lovable mess, so may I suggest, Shedeur You Got the Right QB? The name works whether Joe Flacco shows his age, Dillon Gabriel or Kenny Pickett get the nod, or Shedeur Sanders finally gets an opportunity.

Credit via Guitar Plays

• The Cincinnati Bengals did a nice job paying wide receivers Ja’Marr Chase and Tee Higgins, but their failure to pay defensive end Trey Hendrickson is problematic. Hendrickson eventually ended his holdout and reported to training camp, but he’s not playing defense. Kind of like what the whole team did last season. I like, Play Hendricks Son. The dude sacks quarterbacks like he’s playing the guitar behind his back, and yet the Bengals can’t recognize the talent.

• The Raiders had quite the offseason, providing us plenty of potential fantasy names.

The Brady Bunch is a little obvious, no Greg or Bobby, but at least they got a Peter, well, Pete (Carroll).

The Bowers that be is good. If anyone holds authority over this group, it’s Brock.

Went to a Jeanty-men’s Club in Vegas has a bit of glitter to it.

But considering that the team finally replaced quarterbacks like Aidan O’Connell, Gardner Minshew, and Desmond Ridder with a guy that can throw (Gino Smith). I like Raiders of the Lost Arch.

• How about Travis Punter as a fantasy name? The Jaguar’s phenom plays offense and defense, so why not add special teams.

Sounds better than Hunter’s quarterback, Trevor Lawrence. $55 million a year for a quarterback with a 22-38 record? Is he really the Jags franchise QB, or is it Lawrence of Uh-Maybe-Yeah.

• In the NFC, I must start with Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys. I always assumed that it was “My house is your house” when it came to dealing with Micah Parsons. But apparently, Mi Cah Sa No Es Tu Casa.

As for acquiring George Pickens to help out Ceedee Lamb at the wide receiver position, that’s a start. But I’m still Pickens Them to Finish Near the Bottom.

• I said near the bottom. It’s laughable that the New York Giants have a quarterback room featuring Russell Wilson, Jameis Winston, and Jaxson Dart. And all three quarterbacks lack the Will, Wins, and the ability to throw a Dart.

Credit via AZ Central

But it’s impossible to think of the Giants without hearing that Avril Lavigne song in my head. You know, “He’s just a Skattebo – she said, see you later dude…”

• Or how about the Chicago Bears. They draft Caleb Williams and Rome Odunze, acquire D’Andre Swift and Keenan Allen, sign Montez Sweat, and the team ends up 5-12. Forget “Monsters of the Midway”. They’re just hoping to be Monsters of the Mid.

• It’s going to be weird seeing the Los Angeles Rams without Puka Nacua and Cooper Kupp both lined up. Guess it’s now Puka No-Coopa.

• Cooper Kupp is now a Seattle Seahawk, along with free-agent quarterback Sam Darnold. The Seahawks preferred the 28-year-old Darnold over the 34-year-old veteran Gino Smith. Guess it was a case of Darnold for Darn Old.

Credit via PhiladelphiaEagles.com

Just remember, whether you’re Kyle Yank McCord, Jared Turn Your Head and Goff, or Jalen it Hurts When I Pee, you’re the quarterback of this team.

You are clever, you are funny, and unlike Jerry Jeudy, you’re not going to drop the ball.

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Alan Tapley The Athletic Supporter

Alan Tapley is an educator, author, and blogger who has lived just outside of Boulder for the last twenty years.  His published work includes two novels, two children’s books, a series of cartoons in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, and multiple sports related articles. His love for family and the state of Colorado is only matched by one thing, his passion for sports.  The first baseball game he ever attended was at Wrigley Field, before there were lights.  At the final Bronco game at the old Mile High, he allegedly cut out a piece of his seat in the South stands.  But regardless of being here for the Avalanche’s last Stanley Cup, the Rockies only World Series appearance, and all the Broncos’ Super Bowl Victories, his wife never fails to remind him that he wasn’t at the University of Colorado in 1990, like she was.  The year the Buffs football team won the National Championship