41 Days of Torture

As the Denver Nuggets rolled through the downtown streets of LoDo, champagne filled and shirtless, the confetti flew, and fans cheered. A franchise that began back in 1967 had finally captured its first NBA Championship. A victory parade of epic proportions.

But as the fire engines stopped, and thousands packed into Civic Center Park, I realized that Denver’s victory parade was also a goodbye parade.

A goodbye to sports for quite some time. Forty-one days to be exact.

Starting with the NBA draft on June 22 (in which – spoiler alert – the 7’5 French guy is going first) and ending with the New York Jets vs the Cleveland Browns on August 3 (an exhibition game – but still), there will be no NBA, no NHL, no NFL, no college sports, no Olympics, and no World Cup.

Image via bleacher report

Leaving us with Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, The Cornhole Championships, and the Colorado Rockies.

41 days of torture.

• Do you know why the Colorado Rockies (29-46) still get 30,000 fans to fill their stadium during the slow sporting days of summer? It’s because they are bored, and Pickleball courts don’t serve beer.

• Hot summer days and Rockies baseball – America’s Pastime or America’s Nap Time?

• 41 days and the only thing we can watch on television is a Rockies game. Ja Morant practically filmed a mini-series about guns and only got 25!

• Rockies Baseball – because the only other thing on is the Pair Figure Skating Championships on the USA Network.

• Rockies Baseball – Where the Rockies’ pitchers watch so many homeruns go out – you would swear it was bobblehead day.

• 41 days – that’s like five wins or one Kris Bryant homerun!

• Do you know why everyone plans fishing trips in the summer? It’s because there are no sports on television – except fishing.

• Some may consider the Tour de France as a sport worth watching in July. 176 cyclists, 21 stages, and hours of watching the world’s best riding through Paris, the French Alps, and places like Saint-Gervais Mont-Blanc. But I call it 21 days of listening to my wife say, “How come you never rented a chalet and booked that bicycle trip through Southern France like you always promised you would!”

Image via mySA

• Spring gives us baseball, fall gives us the NFL, and winter gives us the NBA. The only thing that summer gives us – is tubing with a six-pack.

• While the NBA summer off-season can provide a little comic relief (Like the Wizards return on the Bradley Beal trade). The Nuggets summer will be a slow one. They have no first-round draft picks, their entire starting lineup is under contract, and the only thing worth watching is whether Bruce Brown opts in or out of his contracts. Summer is so slow that I wouldn’t be surprised if Brown’s agent was Mrs. Butterworth.

• You know why everyone goes camping in the summer? Because, unlike Nikola Jokic, Lebron James, and Steph Curry – the only stars around in July are in the sky.

Image via sporting new

• The US Open was fun to watch over the weekend. Especially with Colorado’s own Wyndham Clark winning his first major. But the PGA tour is getting downright dysfunctional. Am I supposed to hate just the LIV players, or is everyone now a LIV player? Is this all about lawsuits, money, tax-exempt status, and sportswashing? Is the next tournament the British Open or the Saudi Invite? Every time I want to cheer for golf, the sport just lets me down. Even Wyndham Clark. Born in Denver, tragic loss of mother, never finished close in his other three majors, outplays Rory McIlroy, Scottie Scheffler, and Ricky Fowler to win the US Open??!! Greatest story ever – until I found out that he went to Valor…

• Summer – Too early for tailgating, drinking beer, and watching the NFL Network. But perfect for nature hikes, smoking a bowl, and watching the Food Network.

• Let’s be honest. Everyone at Wimbledon should be wearing white, but the only player we care about is black. And if Serena Williams is not playing – I’m not watching.

• As for the USFL and XFL – You broadcast your games when we have other options, and now that we have no other options you are nowhere to be seen. The two leagues have lost so much money with such unwatchable football games that – even the Saudi Public Investment Fund is unwilling to invest in your product.

Image via coloradoinfo

• Summertime in Colorado. Where you would rather catch a band at Red Rocks, than a foul ball at Coors Field versus the Red Sox. Where the WNBA stands for Why Not Bust A 14er? Where you would rather have fun on a river and a raft, than hang out for the 37th pick of the NBA Draft.

41 days of sobriety, maybe. 41 days of abstinence, possibly. 41 days without sports – yeah, not sure I can do that.

Images via yahoosports.com, bleacherreport.com, mySA.com, sportingnews.com, coloradoinfo.com