Renaming the Franchise
The Washington Football Team recently asked for fan input to find a new name for its NFL franchise. Once known as the Redskins, the franchise abandoned the controversial team name after years of public pressure, eventually settling on calling the team the Washington Football Team until a new name was decided upon. The organization has asked fans to vote on possible choices such as the Red Wolves, Wild Hogs, Aviators, and more.
The organization has even asked for feedback on calling the team the Washington Capitol City Football Club.
Hey WFT! WTF?
The conversation had me thinking about team names, the lack of foresight when franchises choose them, and the changes that should be considered.
- The failure of a franchise to change their team name after relocating to another city always baffles me. The Utah Jazz makes no sense unless you have seen the Mormon Tabernacle Choir performing on Bourbon Street lately.
- The Los Angeles Lakers were originally based in Minnesota, the Land of 10,000 Lakes. But there are no lakes in LA, so the new team name should represent something more prevalent. I suggest the Los Angeles Lipo, but only because the Breast Augmentation Surgery is a little lengthy.
- The Oakland Raiders should have changed their name when the franchise moved to Las Vegas to something more representative of the area. The Gamblers, The Blackjacks, or even The Strip. Although, if your wife overhears you talking about your favorite Las Vegas Stripper, things could get contentious. Furthermore, if a team name is based on the city, they should probably be called the Las Vegas Smelly Flight Back Home with No Money and a Hangover.
- Two franchise names that I just do not understand are the Nashville Predators and the San Diego Padres. When you close your eyes and picture a Predator, do you vision the Saber-Toothed Tiger that is displayed on Nashville’s hockey jerseys? Or a creepy man with a mustache and a trench coat, hanging out near his van by the local elementary school. And the San Diego Padres are not much better. A Padre is like a Friar, or a religious man of the cloth. I don’t mean to offend anyone, but that is the last guy that should be hanging around a boys locker room.
- The Miami Heat and Miami Marlins should think about a name change. It is apparent after looking at the Heat’s NBA uniforms, they should be called the Miami Vice. And since baseball has the Red Sox and the White Sox, I propose that Miami’s baseball team be called the no-socks.
- After a huge COVID-19 breakout and no games since March 24th, the Vancouver Canucks should change their name to the Canucks Vancouver Squad, or CVS. A reminder of the nationwide pharmacy that provides plenty of vaccine opportunities.
- The state of Texas needs multiple name changes for their sports teams. The Astros should be re-named the Houston Cheetas, for obvious reasons, and the Texas Rangers should change their name to the Gnomes. A small garden ornament of a bearded man with a pointy hat doesn’t seem too intimidating, but the acronym G.N.O.M.E.S. is fitting. After 38,000 fans showed up in Arlington on opening day, GNOMES stands for Guns Needed Over Masks to Enter S
- As for the Houston Texans of the NFL. Based on the current legal issues of quarterback Deshaun Watson they should either be called the Houston Assaulters, or the Houston Inappropriate Touchers, whichever fits on their jerseys. But whether Watson eventually gets traded to another team, or stays to play for Houston, this story is bound to have a “happy ending”.
- The one franchise with the perfect team name is the Colorado Rockies. After beginning the season at 4-12 with a team batting average of just .221, they are off to one of the rockiest starts in recent team history.
Images via thegarnettereport.com, forbes.com, youtube.com, sportingnews.com, mentalfloss.com, mlbtraderumors.com