The Denver Broncos – No Laughing Matter

Let me get this straight. Denver brings in Nathaniel Hackett, Aaron Rodgers’ offensive guru to run the team. Trades for quarterback Russell Wilson, a Super Bowl winning first ballot Hall-of-Famer, and signs him to a $245 million dollar contract. Starts the season against a laughable schedule that includes the Seahawks, Texans, and winless Raiders. And the Broncos are 2-4 averaging a league worst 15.1 points per game?

• It’s bad enough that the Broncos are the laughingstock of the league right now, but is it necessary to keep putting them on the big stage for all to see? The loss to the Chargers was featured on Monday Night Football, the loss to the Colts was Thursday night Football, the loss to the Seahawks was also on Monday Night Football, and Denver’s only victory was an embarrassing Sunday Night Football snooze fest versus the 49ers in which they won 11-10.

The only show that Denver never seems to make it on – NFL RedZone.

11 to 10? I’ve seen soccer games with more scoring.

Speaking of the sport referred to as English football – now the Networks are sending them to London on October 30th to play the Vikings. Isn’t one country making jokes about us enough?

• Denver is playing so poorly that I wish every game was on Amazon Prime so I could miss most of the game just trying to find it.

The television ratings are so bad that Denver’s last Monday Night Football game finished just ahead of The Joy of Painting featuring the late Bob Ross.

• 91 points in six games? That’s less than the Chicago Bears, Pittsburgh Steelers, and Washington Commanders. Heck, that’s less than the Washington Generals.

That’s less points than a Nathan MacKinnon line.

• The Broncos had 10 penalties for 151 yards versus the Chargers, and now lead the league with 54. Rookie Damarri Mathis had four pass interference calls all by himself.

Mathis was holding more than Garett Bolles, and as handsy as Deshaun Watson on a massage table. It’s hard not to blame coaching.

• I wanted to nickname the coach – Nathaniel (I don’t think he can) Hackett. But every writer in the country beat me to it. Instead, I’m calling him Nathaniel Hachet – because he’s bound to get the axe here pretty soon.

And stop smiling during Press Conferences. You look more awkward at the podium than Hershel Walker without a speech writer.

• And I’m now calling Russell Wilson, Russell WILSON!!! – Like the volleyball that floats away from Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away. Both are old, worn, and looking a little lost these days.

I’d call him Russell Westbrook – a high-paid athlete that nobody wants anymore – but at least Westbrook is scoring more than 15 points a game.

Letting Russ cook makes sense, but I’m afraid he’s using a crockpot. And considering the way he’s handling that pigskin these days – I’m pretty sure his cooking is kosher as well.

Maybe we should let Russ order Door Dash?

• Empowered Field is suffering a blackout. Apparently, there’s an energy shortage. The stadium has been more like Empathy Field – because I feel for anyone that has to sit through that.

The only cheering I’ve been hearing lately are Bronx cheers. Or should I say, Broncs cheers – notice that the O is missing…again.

And that red zone offense? It’s offensive alright.

If you think counting down the play clock was insulting – the fans are starting to countdown the game clock, hoping it’ll end sooner.

They should move the games across the street to Ball Arena – because I feel like crying every time I watch them.

• Do you want to hear something really funny? Next Sunday the Broncos play host to the New York Jets. The same New York Jets that went 6-27 over the past two seasons. The current spread is Denver -3. Considering that Vegas generally gives the home team three points due to obvious advantages, this game is now up-in-the-air for anyone to grab.

Better keep Damarri Mathis away from that.

Images via denverbroncos.com, upi.com, suffolkgazette.com, yahoo.sports.com, thesandiegounion-tribune.com