Ah, Paris in the summer.

The sights, the cigarette-filled cafes, and the smell of bad cologne covering up worse body odor.
The arrogant, the pompous, and the distain for anything American.
And of course, that unmatched reputation for pure rudeness.

But enough about Brooks Koepka.

Credit via Golf Digest

All joking aside, while thousands of athletes arrive in Paris for the 2024 Summer Olympics this week, Brooks Koepka will not be one of them after withdrawing his name from consideration back in May.

Athletes from 206 countries along with the IOC Refugee Olympic Team will compete for honor, glory, and pride over the next few weeks. And not just average athletes.

Unlike most Europeans, these athletes are working during the month of July. And not just working – but working hard. Not the 35-hour workweek that the French are used to.

While the crowds all gather around the Arc de Triomphe, these athletes are focused on the art of triumph. While the tourists stand in line to see the Mona Lisa, these athletes are moaning in a pain one- can’t-believe-a. And while the locals shop on the Champs Elysees, these athletes are trying to be the champs of the day.

Let the games begin!

Speaking of summer games, let’s play one that should be familiar to all.

Two Truths and a Lie.

And I’m talking about the guessing game in which one decides which two facts about the Summer Olympics are true, and which one is a lie. (Not to be confused with Two Truths and a Lie – The drug testing results of three random athletes from the Chinese National Team.)

Let us begin.

Snoop Dog will be carrying the Olympic torch in the city of Saint-Denis in Northern Paris prior to the lighting of the flame. K-Pop star, Jin of BTS already carried the torch earlier in the week. And local garbage man, Pepe Le Pew, will soon take a turn as he continues to raise awareness for environmental causes.

Credit via Pinterest

Okay, Pepe Le Pew was actually an old cartoon character consisting of a sexually aggressive skunk with a French accent. The story is still true, only the garbage man’s name is Ludovic Franceschet, and his work has gone viral on Tik Tok.

Franceschet is probably just as smelly, does have a French accent, but this garbage man would be behind bars if the similarities continued.

Events at the Olympic Summer Games include BMX, the favorite dirt bike ride of every 12-year-old. Pickleball, the favorite pastime of every 72-year-old. And Breakdancing, the favorite hip-hop dance of the 1980’s.

Credit via IMDb

Surprisingly, I’m not kidding about BMX or Breakdancing being an Olympic sport this summer. Apparently, the Olympic Committee were big fans of the 1984 movie classic – Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Not surprisingly, even the Olympics don’t consider Pickleball a sport.

Sorry, Gladys. Maybe it’ll be added in 2028.

The opening ceremonies will not include the usual athletes walking into the stadium this summer, but rather, it will take place along the Seine River in Paris where over 10,000 athletes will parade down the river in boats.

Table Tennis will take place inside the Louvre, as the art museum made room for the event by relocating a Claude Monet collection to another part of the building.

And surfing will take place just outside the city of Paris – roughly 10,000 miles outside the city – in Tahiti. It’s French Polynesian. Close enough.

Did you guess the lie?

Table Tennis may have worked at the Louvre, but the French figured that thousands of tourists paying hundred of dollars to stand in line all day just to see the Venus de Milo was a racket in itself.

Skateboarding is now an Olympic sport, Mountain Biking is now an Olympic sport, and so is Freestyle Motocross.

Okay, Freestyle Motocross is the lie – but is this the MMXXIV Games or the X Games?

And while many will be arriving in Paris to checkout the flavors of French cuisine, it’s the flavor of international athletes that has me excited.

There’s French speaking, Cameroon born, Joel Embiid representing the United States in basketball. Michigan born Alex Rose, a discus thrower, representing the island of Samoa. And American golfer, Bryson DeChambeau, representing Saudi Arabia.

That was probably an easy one as I’m pretty sure a LIV Tour contract from Saudi Arabia doesn’t include citizenship, only cash. But if Sportswashing becomes an Olympic event – look out!

Speaking of Embiid, can you imagine if he would have joined the French National Team instead? It would read like a Frommer’s Guide to Paris. French speaking Joel Embiid, Rudy Gobert and his French whine, not to mention, the Eiffel Tower himself, Victor Wembayama – in the center of it all as usual.

Credit via Amazon

Best of luck to all of the athletes in this year’s Summer Olympic Games. Or as the French say – bonne chance, tout le Meilleur, and pepe le pew.

Images via pinterest, golfdigest, amazon, IMDb

Alan Tapley The Athletic Supporter

Alan Tapley is an educator, author, and blogger who has lived just outside of Boulder for the last twenty years.  His published work includes two novels, two children’s books, a series of cartoons in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, and multiple sports related articles. His love for family and the state of Colorado is only matched by one thing, his passion for sports.  The first baseball game he ever attended was at Wrigley Field, before there were lights.  At the final Bronco game at the old Mile High, he allegedly cut out a piece of his seat in the South stands.  But regardless of being here for the Avalanche’s last Stanley Cup, the Rockies only World Series appearance, and all the Broncos’ Super Bowl Victories, his wife never fails to remind him that he wasn’t at the University of Colorado in 1990, like she was.  The year the Buffs football team won the National Championship