Here’s the truth:

I’ve been that leader. The one with the vision, the urgency, the clarity. And unknowingly, the intensity that pushed people away.

Early in my coaching career, I thought decisiveness was the gift. I believed speed and sharpness meant progress. I didn’t realize that what I saw as “clear leadership,” others experienced as dominance. Or dismissal. Or something they couldn’t challenge without risk.

I missed out. On wisdom. On creativity. On trust.

The Lesson:

Let’s be clear: this isn’t about becoming soft.

Leadership asks us to hold paradox. There are moments when we must show our teeth—when we draw lines, protect values, or make the hard call. Strength is essential. So is clarity.

But when strength lacks curiosity, it becomes force. When clarity leaves no room for others, it becomes control.

This is where persecutor energy begins to surface.

Persecutor energy isn’t just yelling or control—it’s the subtle posture of superiority, correction, and urgency that makes others feel small.

Sometimes, it sounds like:

• Cutting someone off to “get to the point.”
• Explaining why an idea won’t work before hearing it out.
• Feeling a need to steer every conversation.
• Offering “truth” with no space for reaction.

These aren’t bad intentions. They’re often driven by urgency, care, or passion. But urgency without reflection, care without openness, passion without pause—these become blind spots. They fracture trust. They repel possibility.

Here’s the bridge:

The way out of the Persecutor role isn’t silence. It’s shifting into the role of Challenger—a concept introduced by Dr. Stephen Karpman in his work on the Drama Triangle. Instead of diminishing others, the Challenger calls people up with clarity, truth, and trust.

You can still speak directly—but from a posture of growth, not blame. You can still hold the line—but without needing to be the loudest or the rightest.

We don’t need to abandon clarity or strength. We need to root them in something deeper.

When those instincts are grounded in curiosity, everything changes. You move from force to presence. From knowing to noticing. From persuading to partnering.

Curiosity isn’t passive. It’s alive.

What Curiosity Looks and Feels Like:

• Letting silence hang a little longer, trusting the other person will speak.
• Asking a question you don’t already know the answer to.
• Listening not just for agreement, but for what’s true.
• Feeling your breath slow as you take in something unexpected.

It sounds like:

• “Say more about that.”
• “What am I not seeing?”
• “How does this land for you?”

Curiosity makes room. It’s not weakness—it’s the posture of someone strong enough to learn.

The Shift:

When you show up as a Challenger, your energy is clear—but not overpowering. You:

• Ask what others see.
• Invite strong perspectives.
• Hold people capable.
• Stay rooted in your values without needing to be the loudest in the room.

The Cost:

Not seeing this pattern can quietly erode trust. You lose the thinkers and challengers who want to co-create, but feel they can’t. You lose voices that could refine your vision, because the room doesn’t feel safe enough to speak.

And to face this? It might bring up shame. That’s okay. That’s human. What matters is what you choose next.

The Book I Always Share:

There’s one book I share in every workshop: Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute. If you’ve ever wondered why some conversations feel stuck—or why your team shuts down around you—this book holds the mirror. And the map.

It’s honest, practical, and unforgettable. Read it, and you’ll never lead the same way again.

The Application:

This weekend, reflect:

• When was the last time someone gave you feedback that stung—but was true?
• Who on your team has stopped bringing bold ideas to you?
• What would it look like to ask for their perspective—and truly stay open?

Try one thing: slow down, ask the harder question, and let the silence do its job.

That’s the Boulder Edge.

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Go deeper into Why Boulder Fuels My Leadership and Coaching

News from Kate:

Quarter 2 begins next week. If this article pulled something in you—if you’re wondering whether your vision is aligned with your team or if you’re heading in different directions—I’m offering a 15-minute Traction Talk.

This isn’t fluff. It’s a short, honest look at whether your leadership vision is truly shared—or silently scattered.

Let’s make sure your next quarter doesn’t start with confusion.

Click here to book your free 15-minute session.

Kate Galt Primal Leadership Business Coaching

Kate Galt coaches and challenges leaders at all levels— from entrepreneurs to seasoned executives— to sharpen their vision, articulate key messages so they connect and inspire, and make decisive, strategic moves that drive real business growth. Based in Boulder, Colorado, she works with individuals and teams to strengthen leadership, improve team dynamics, and achieve measurable results.

Her coaching is rooted in Primal Leadership—because the strongest leaders move with instinct, command presence without force, and create unshakable trust through raw, real connection.

Like any driven person, Kate is always figuring out how to do it all—running a business, raising two kids with her equally involved husband, and still making time for the adventure that brought her to Colorado in 1998. Whether it’s snowboarding, mountain biking, or chasing an ultimate frisbee, she knows the best leadership isn’t just learned—it’s lived.

The bottom line? Kate makes good leaders great.

Curious about what makes her coaching style so impactful? Book a call and experience it for yourself at CoachTheLeaders.com.