The last thing I want to do is wake a sleeping giant – especially an eighth seed sleeping giant.

The Miami Heat have won three championships, their President, Pat Riley, has nine of his own, along with 19 Finals appearances. Eric Spoelstra has two rings, Udonis Haslem has three, and Kevin Love and Kyle Lowry own one each.

Miami’s retired numbers include Dwayne Wade, Alonzo Mourning, Chris Bosh, and Shaquille O’Neil. While Lebron’s will be there soon.

The Heat showed up to Ball Arena with a roster full of undrafted players, a 6’9 center, and a so-so Playoff Jimmy Butler, and pretty much kicked our butt to tie the series.

To write about Tyler Herro’s hats as the only buckets that he’s going to see. Or going 0 for 10 shooting, 0 of 9 from three – is not giving your team a Max effort. Well, that’s just mean.

Credit via The Tribune

To ask why the Chicago Bulls, Minnesota Timberwolves, and Philadelphia 76ers all gave up on Jimmy (Manilli) Butler. Well, that’s just hurtful.

Credit via TV Insider

And to imply that the twins, Zack and Cody from the Disney Channel, are more talented than the twins, Caleb and Cody from Disney’s ESPN Channel. Well, that’s just bulletin board material.

And I don’t want to do that.

So – I’m giving the Heat some quiet little jabs just to get in their heads. A slight distraction to contemplate as they stand at the free throw line.

Not enough hurt to motive Miami to a Game Three victory. But just enough hurt that their feelings are slow to recover. And the advantage is ours.

• Gabe Vincent is under contract for just $1.5 million per year for the next two years. Roughly, the same amount as Rocky, the Denver Nugget’s mascot! – I would suggest a holdout, effective immediately.

• Detectives Crocket (Nikola Jokic) and Tubbs (Jamal Murray) are putting the squeeze on the Heat in game three, on a television show we call – Miami Vice.

• Is it Duncan Robinson? Or Can U Dunk Robinson? (Because he shoots a lot of threes – not because he’s white.)

• Remember Eminem’s movie 8-Mile, when he calls out Papa Doc.

“What’s the matter, dawg? You embarrassed? This guy’s a gangster? His real name’s Clarence. And Clarence lives at home with both parents. And Clarence’ parents have a real good marriage.”

Bam Adebayo’s real name is Edrice.

“What’s the matter, dawg? You embarrassed? This guy’s a gangster? His real name’s Edrice. And Edrice lives at home with both parents and plays Tetris. And Edrice’ Tetris gives him a real good left wrist.”

Credit via The Things

• Is it Kyle Lowry or Kyle Low-rrrr-yyy?

• Note to Miami management – you can’t draft Thanasis Antetokounmpo thinking you got Giannis. You can’t draft D’Angelo Russell and call him Bill, and you can’t draft Nikola Jovic – and assume that it will work either.

• Seriously, 23 points in Game One, 19 more in Game Two, and you’re with the Heat making close to the League minimum? Gabe Vincent should change his name to Vincent Van Go get yourself a new agent. (And cut off any talks of an extension).

Credit via The Sporting News

• I’m tired of everyone making fun of Cody Zeller’s slow feet, bald head, and awkward goggles. He was the 4th overall pick back in 2013, and he deserves more minutes. Seriously, a ton of minutes. Like 38-40 minutes. Lots and lots of minutes…

• Despite all the success that the Miami franchise has achieved, the Heat have not won a champion since 2013. Coincidentally, if you scramble the name SPOELSTRA, you get PAST LOSER.

• Identical twin Caleb Martin looked like Brook Lopez in the last round versus the Celtics, barely missing out on the MVP voting. But after the first two games of the finals, he’s playing more like Robin.

Credit via 247Sports

• We Want Backs Game One Max!!

• The Miami Heat struggled all season hitting their three-point shots (34%) before getting hot against the Nuggets in Game Two (17 out of 35). Here’s hoping that the Miami Sound Machine refers to the clanking noise of missed shots from here on out.

• At 42 years of age and 20 NBA seasons, Udonis Haslem is now known as U done yet Haslem.

• I believe the Miami Heat should pay homage to the great Tina Turner and exclaim – We Don’t Need Another Herro. And ignore the fact that Kevin Love had a plus/minus of +18 and bench him asking – What’s Love Got to Do with It.

And finally, stop throwing those Game Two body blows – like Ike used to do.

GO NUGGETS!

Images via yahoosports.com, thetribune.com, thethings.com, tvinsider.com, sportingnews.com, 247sports.com

Alan Tapley
Alan Tapley is an educator, author, and blogger who has lived just outside of Boulder for the last twenty years.  His published work includes two novels, two children’s books, a series of cartoons in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, and multiple sports related articles. His love for family and the state of Colorado is only matched by one thing, his passion for sports.  The first baseball game he ever attended was at Wrigley Field, before there were lights.  At the final Bronco game at the old Mile High, he allegedly cut out a piece of his seat in the South stands.  But regardless of being here for the Avalanche’s last Stanley Cup, the Rockies only World Series appearance, and all the Broncos’ Super Bowl Victories, his wife never fails to remind him that he wasn’t at the University of Colorado in 1990, like she was.  The year the Buffs football team won the National Championship
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