This year’s Olympic Games will introduce us to events such as Skateboarding, Rugby Sevens, and 3X Basketball.  There will be canoeing, sailing, and BMX Freestyle.  A gold will be won in Sport Climbing, a silver will be earned in karate, and someone is bound to be injured while participating in Trampoline Gymnastics.

As the teams and their flag bearers circled the empty stadium in Japan last Friday two things were apparent.  The bear-chested flag-bearer from Tonga needs to lighten up on the baby oil, and those uniforms from Australia make me want to order two boxes of Thin Mints, one box of Somoas, and some Girl Scout S’mores ASAP.

A look at the Olympics and the first few days of action.

  • Considering all the weird sports that the Olympics tries out every four years, what about adding Beer Pong to the venue? China could be a favorite due to their skills on the Ping Pong table, or maybe Germany with their ability to drink.  But the Gold medal favorite would likely come from some out-of-shape, unshaven, Kappa Sigma from the University of Arkansas.
  • Pickle Ball would be another interesting addition if it was not named so poorly. If the sport was called Two-Man-Paddle or Small-Court-Doubles it would probably have the maturity to make the list.  Either way, an Olympian Pickle baller would relish the opportunity.
  • Too many interim sports are being added to the Olympics lately. It sometimes feels like the Committee is just making it up as they go along.  You roll out a ball and some interim team catches a hula hoops while yodeling. And thus, Interim Team Catching Hula Yodeling becomes a new sport named ITCHY BALLS.
  • 3X Basketball was added to the Games this year but the USA men’s squad failed to qualify. Apparently, Steph Curry, Kyrie Irving, and Trae Young were passed over for the more experienced team of Joey King, Dominique Jones, and star player Robbie Hummel.  I don’t think we need Jerry Colangelo to improve this roster.
  • Although after an 89-79 loss to France in the opening Group Play for the USA Men’s Basketball squad, Colangelo’s team is struggling too. The Group Play should be Group Therapy, the Dream Team is a Nightmare, and apparently Dame Dollar doesn’t have a very good exchange rate in Japan.
  • Swimming added a few new events to their already packed schedule including a Mixed 4×100 Medley Relay. That makes a total of 37 events and 111 medal winners. I’m not saying that swimming has gone overboard, but I swear I saw Canada vs USA in the pool the other day playing Marco Polo.
  • Shooting hosts plenty of interesting events during the Games. There are 15 different events including Rifle, Pistol, Shotgun, and Rapid Fire.  Considering that almost 40 million guns were purchased in the United States just last year, how do we not win every medal?
  • Fencing is a little boring. Maybe they could spice it up and have all the competitors choose  to play either The Dread Pirate Roberts or Inigo Montoya and just take it from there.
  • COVID-19 is no joke, but if catching the virus was an Olympic event I’d have golfer Jon Rahm as my team captain.
  • Last thought. Skateboarding, Snowboarding, and now Surfing are all Olympic events.  What’s next?  Bong Making, Call of Duty, or maybe The Race to the Taco Bell relays?

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