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The Ten Suckiest Teams in the NFL

If you’re a Carolina Panthers fan, Sunday must have been rough. Losing 28-14 to the Denver Broncos doesn’t seem that bad on the surface, but when you allow Bo Nix to throw for 3 TDs and rush for another, it’s not a good look.

The Panthers’ (1-7) best quarterback, Andy Dalton, is a 38-year-old backup that couldn’t play after being involved in a small car accident. Carolina’s second-best quarterback, Bryce Young, continued his short career struggles throwing two more interceptions in what seems to be a first-round bust.

To make things worse, Young was selected one pick before fellow star quarterback, CJ Stroud. And, to acquire that pick, the Panthers traded with the Chicago Bears, which would have given the team Caleb Williams or Jayden Daniels.

The Panthers have been outscored by 147 points so far this season.

In other words, they suck.

credit via youtube

Like, worse than a Dwayne Wade statue kind of suck.

Like, worse than Tyrique Stevenson covering a Hail Mary kind of suck.

Like, worse than Aaron Judge’s World Series batting average kind of suck.

But are they the suckiest team in the NFL?

Let’s count them down.

10) Miami Dolphins (2-5) – Mike McDaniel’s offense using backups is not exactly Dolphin-Friendly, Tyreek Hill has been handcuffed by poor quarterback play, and for Tua Tagovailoa – It’s been a season he’d like to forget. Which is probable.

9) New Orleans Saints (2-6) – In the Saints’ defense, starting quarterback Derek Carr is out, as is wide receiver Rashid Shaheed. As a matter of fact, the team has so many players on the injured list, they are changing the song from When the Saints Go Marching In to When the Saints Get Carted Off.

8) New York Jets (2-6) – Ironic that their owner’s name is Woody, and yet, they are nothing to get excited about. You fire your coach, demote Nathaniel Hackett, trade for Devonte Adams, and still lose to the Patriots. New York is a M-E-S-S, mess, mess, mess.

credit via wikipedia

7) The Jacksonville Jaguars (2-6) – How fitting that their best player’s name is Tank. Hey NFL, just because you sent the Jaguars to London for two weeks – doesn’t mean we still can’t see them! I would have fired Doug Pederson and said, “Hit the road, Coach. No wait, we’re in London – Hit the other side of the road, Coach.”

credit via wikipedia

6) Cleveland Browns (2-6) – Deshaun Watson has been so bad on and off the field this season – even P Diddy is disgusted with him. On a side note, am I the only one that is worried that Watson’s recovery program may include “massage therapy.”

5) New England Patriots (2-6) – The Patriots are so bad that they could bring back Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, Deflategate, and Spygate – and they would still suck. This team is more like – Where’s the exit gate?

4) Tennessee Titans (1-6) – Ah yes, my favorite movie. I Don’t Want to Remember the Titans – starring Will Levis. I was going to make a joke about,” You’re the only ten I see”, but then I recalled that we can’t see number 10, DeAndre Hopkins, since he was traded to the Kansas City Chiefs in a rebuilding salary dump.

3) Las Vegas Raiders (2-6) – When you trade your best receiver, and your quarterback controversy is between Gardner Minshew and Aiden O’Connell, it’s going to be a long year. That’s okay Raiders – I don’t win very often in Vegas either.

2) New York Giants (2-6) – The Giants are so bad that they are hoping Drew Lock is their savior. I mean, who decides to let Saquon Barkley go – but keeps Daniel Jones? But I’ll admit, I’m a Giant fan – of betting the Under when they play.

1) Carolina Panthers (1-7) – It’s bad enough when your defensive backs can’t cover – but at 1-7 Against the Spread (ATS), they’re not much help in a parlay either.

credit via usa today

Honorable mention to the Indianapolis Colts (4-4) – Did you see Anthony Richardson “tap out” of the game last Sunday. He can’t be more tired than the Wide Receivers are from being overthrown all game.

Richardson wasn’t the only one that “tapped out” last Sunday. My kegerator was empty by halftime.

Only Richardson was benched after the game. I was benched during it.

Watching football and writing jokes all weekend is exhausting. I’m “tapping out” too.

Images via bleacherreport, youtube, usatoday, wikipedia

Alan Tapley The Athletic Supporter

Alan Tapley is an educator, author, and blogger who has lived just outside of Boulder for the last twenty years.  His published work includes two novels, two children’s books, a series of cartoons in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, and multiple sports related articles. His love for family and the state of Colorado is only matched by one thing, his passion for sports.  The first baseball game he ever attended was at Wrigley Field, before there were lights.  At the final Bronco game at the old Mile High, he allegedly cut out a piece of his seat in the South stands.  But regardless of being here for the Avalanche’s last Stanley Cup, the Rockies only World Series appearance, and all the Broncos’ Super Bowl Victories, his wife never fails to remind him that he wasn’t at the University of Colorado in 1990, like she was.  The year the Buffs football team won the National Championship

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