Summer is here, and school is out.

But before you plan that next family vacation to Paris, or backpack your way through the Loire Valley, please be advised that the King of France is already here, stateside.

And his name is Victor Wembanyama.

Rene Descartes, the great French Philosopher, once spoke, “I think, therefore I am.”

After scoring 33 points for the San Antonio Spurs in a Game Four win over OKC, it was the great French Superstar, Victor Wembanyama, who spoke, “I sink (buckets), therefore I’m Him.”

You’ve heard of the French Foreign Legion. Wemby could soon become a French Foreign Legend.

In Game One of the series, Wemby tallied 41 points and grabbed 24 rebounds, and now the Spurs are just two games away from an NBA Final.

And the records are falling.

Wemby is currently on pace to be the youngest (22) to average over 20 points, 10 rebounds, and 4 blocks in a single postseason run. (The youngest was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar).

Not quite as impressive as Louis XIV becoming the king of France at age 4, but that sh*t was given to King Louis. Wemby ‘s crown has been earned 100% with style, grace, and a certain je ne sais quoi.

He’s like Louis XIV meets Louis Vuitton.

How about the NBA Playoff record 12 blocks in a second-round matchup against the Minnesota Timberwolves!

He’s a regular Block Cousteau!

Wemby is exactly 2.26m (7’5) tall without shoes and has a 2.44m (8’0) wingspan. Forget the Matrix, I call him the Metrics. Tall, long, and no one in this country can figure him out.

Throw the ball anywhere near the rim, and Wemby will dunk it. It’s a literal Eurail Pass, and he’s a first-class ticket.

Forget the French Foreign Legion, at 7’6, he’s the French Foreign Region.

Credit via Wikipedia

Forget the Eiffel Tower, he’s the D’lightful Tower.

Forget the Champs Élysées, he’s the Champs Alley-Oop.

So popular that if this were a bike race, he’d be leading the Allure de France.

Credit via Wikipedia

Wemby is a one-man Zone-A-Lisa.

Wemby has led the NBA in blocks in all three years he’s played (Only Manute Bol, David Robinson, and Mark Eaton reached 500 blocks faster).

A defensive game so stylish and intimidating, his cologne is made by Leave-Paint Laurent.

You’ve heard of the Croque Monsieur. He’s a Block Monsieur.

And have you ever seen a 7’6 (avec les chaussures) Frenchman shoot threes like Wemby?

122 made threes during the season, and 23 more in the playoffs.

He’s Notre Dame Dolla from the outside, and at 7’6, a Joan of Arc on that release.

A Napoleon (bust your) Zone-Apart.

Wemby also shoots 82% from the free-throw line. (Shaquille O’Neal 52.7%, Wilt Chamberlain 51.1%, Bill Russell 56.1%).

Forget Marie Antoinette, he’s Nothing but nette.

Wemby is like a French pastry. He’s bad for your health, and you’re bound to get creamed.

Yet, he’s smooth and silky like a 7’6 crème brulee.

He’s Kareem Brulee.

Wemby’s big man dominance is reminiscent of the great Wilt Chamberlain, and he’s must-see, like a Paris Hilton sex tape.

He’s Paris Wilton.

Wemby was the NBA Rookie of the Year in 2023-24, won Defensive Player of the Year this season, and was named to this year’s All-NBA First Team.

France’s Marie Curie may have won a couple of Nobel Prizes (Physics and Chemistry), but nobody was double-teaming her while she did it.

And what about sportsmanship?

The French are hardly known for their politeness, but the only whining you’ll hear from Wemby has to do with a Pinot Noir.

If Wemby were a wine, he’d be a Beaujolais-up.

Or the Chairman of the Bordeaux.

Maybe a G.O.A.T du Rhone.

Before games, Wemby likes to read. Forget Victor Hugo, it’s more like “Victor, you go!”

He puts the air in Voltaire.

And he plays chess, while the rest of the league is apparently playing checkers.

Talk about a masterpiece. Wemby guards the paint like a security guard at the Louvre Museum. And as for the NBA, he’s a regular Claude (show me the) Monet. Talk about making a great impression.

Credit via YouTube

Remember World B Free? He’s Victor E!

He’s the Wemb-V-P!

And yet, he’s got some Charles De Gaulle to do all of this at just 22 years of age.

Okay, like the 4-year-old Louis XIV, it’s probably too early to crown the young Wemby. After all, he’s never won an NBA Championship or Olympic Gold Medal (he won Silver), and the Spurs have plenty of work to do to get past the current NBA Champs, the Oklahoma City Thunder.

And like King Louis XIV, he’ll have to surround himself with Foxes, Champagn(i)e, and a Castle (not to mention Dylan Harper) if he wants to capture the crown.

Credit via Facebook

(Wemby, Stephon Castle, and Dylan Harper. Now, that’s a menage a trois you can get excited about!)

But win or lose, Victor Wembanyama is the new face of the NBA.

And that’s a fait accompli.

Images via Wikipedia, Facebook, and YouTube.

Alan Tapley Colorado Sports & Culture Writer

Alan Tapley is an educator, author, and blogger who has lived just outside of Boulder for the last twenty years. His published work includes two novels, two children’s books, a series of cartoons in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, and multiple sports related articles. His love for family and the state of Colorado is only matched by one thing, his passion for sports.  The first baseball game he ever attended was at Wrigley Field, before there were lights.  At the final Bronco game at the old Mile High, he allegedly cut out a piece of his seat in the South stands.  But regardless of being here for the Avalanche’s last Stanley Cup, the Rockies only World Series appearance, and all the Broncos’ Super Bowl Victories, his wife never fails to remind him that he wasn’t at the University of Colorado in 1990, like she was.  The year the Buffs football team won the National Championship