The Most Effective Beauty Product Ever Is Already In Your Home

Truly. Assuming your home is in the first world, which, if you’re spending your free time cruising internet beauty blogs, I think I can safely assume you’re not in extremis, you already have the greatest beauty product ever right there at home: water.

Most folks don’t drink nearly enough water. Coloradans probably skew the average with our ever present sport bottles, but even then we’re probably not consuming as much as we should. I may just be speaking for myself.

I’ll be honest. In the past, not drinking water was a deliberate time management strategy for me.

When I went through medical training I would literally (yes, literally) avoid water throughout an entire day to minimize my number of trips to the bathroom. As a resident I didn’t believe I had time to pee, ever, let alone pee every few hours.

If I made it through a twelve hour shift with one trip to the bathroom? Well, I’d just need to try harder. Think of all that time I wasted voiding my bladder!

The degree of dehydration I worked with is not unlike my big awkward glasses from childhood: yeah, it happened and I can acknowledge it, but I would not advise any human to voluntarily endure it now.

Between strategically parching myself and the amount of ibuprofen I ingested throughout my three years of residency I think it’s safe to assume my kidneys are still recovering.

What do they want? WATER. When do they want it? CONSTANTLY, IF NOT MORE OFTEN.

So, water as a beauty product.

Picture, if you will, a lazy river. You know, one of those attractions for the parents at water parks where they sit on an inner tube and gently float around the park’s perimeter whilst their children scream down water slides and plot their marriages to the teenagers selling Sno-Cones over there. Or whatever.

I envision our blood vessels like a lazy river. The inner tubes = red blood cells, the water park water = plasma (the fluid pushing red blood cells and whatnot around the body). With minimal lazy river water, the inner tubes get jumbled and highly concentrated. You’re bumping into everybody and are impeded from floating anywhere.

If there’s an abundance of water, then everyone gets their own space and things float where they need to float.

The same is true for our blood.

When well hydrated, our organs easily receive the blood and nutrients they need. The inner tubes are easily delivered. When dehydrated, our organs are thirsty and not functioning optimally. The inner tubes are stagnant in the river. And not only are the inner tubes stagnant, but so is all the waste our organs generate.

It’s not good. We’re stewing in our own dessicated filth.

But, with water, our kidneys and livers are easily flushed. Toxins and waste products can get-along-little-doggies on out of the body.

Water makes our skin taut and vibrant, our hair shiny and pliable, our mood cheery and energized, our bowels smooth and regular.

What could be more beautiful?