The final seconds were ticking down, the net was empty, and the Colorado Avalanche were just a puck-clear away from winning it all. Gabriel Landeskog was on the bench after crawling off the ice, Tampa Bay was on the attack with an extra skater, and Darcy Kuemper had been ridiculed all series for letting in soft goals.

Moments like this are what sports are made of. Anxiety mixed with exhilaration plus torture. I couldn’t watch, and yet, I couldn’t look away.

With sixteen seconds left, the Avs got a stop near the blue line as the puck slowly trickled down the ice. Cale Makar fought for the puck along the boards in the Tampa Bay zone, further dwindling down precious seconds. The Lightning had one last effort, but the final horn sounded before they could even attempt a desperation shot.

The Colorado Avalanche had won the Stanley Cup!

Euphoria is the best word to describe how I felt as I watched the players skate around the ice holding the trophy. It was like that feeling you get when you stand in line for hours, then finally bite into that long-awaited In-N-Out burger.

No wait. It felt better than that.

It felt like free tickets to a Reggae on the Rocks, a gorgeous sunset, and cloud full of smoke.

No wait. It felt better than that.

Now, I know that I’m not 23-years-old like most of the Avalanche players, but dare I say? The feeling of winning the Stanley Cup only compares to one thing. Sex!

In honor of the great Joe Sakic, here are 19 reasons why winning the Stanley Cup – is even better than sex.

1) The Stanley Cup is played at least TWICE a week.

2) A Delay of Game in hockey doesn’t require Viagra.

3) Everything looks bigger on the Jumbotron.

4) There is foreplay in sex. But six play in hockey.

5) My wife has been icing me for years in the bedroom, and yet, no penalty.

6) A broken stick is forgivable in hockey.

7) A hockey coach only expects two or three solid minutes of action from you.

8) In hockey, your beard doesn’t bother anyone.

9) The beginning of periods aren’t an issue in hockey.

10) In hockey there is roughing, and fighting, but no snuggling.

11) Protection in the bedroom could mean a trip to the drugstore, fumbling, and stumbling. In hockey, you just send Kurtis MacDermid out for a shift.

12) If you are into Cup size….

13) If you’re shut out in hockey you generally get another chance a few days later.

14) After winning the Stanley Cup, you have all summer to rest before trying again.

15) While both can include poor performances, scoring is inevitable in hockey.

16) Paying $1000 for hockey is considered acceptable.

17) The chances of her seeing fireworks are much more realistic in hockey.

18) In hockey, there are far less consequences for “pulling the goalie”.

19) Victory parades can last for hours!

Images via umassathletics.com, thesportingnews.com, pinterest.com, nhl.com, kdvr.com

Alan Tapley
Alan Tapley is an educator, author, and blogger who has lived just outside of Boulder for the last twenty years.  His published work includes two novels, two children’s books, a series of cartoons in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, and multiple sports related articles. His love for family and the state of Colorado is only matched by one thing, his passion for sports.  The first baseball game he ever attended was at Wrigley Field, before there were lights.  At the final Bronco game at the old Mile High, he allegedly cut out a piece of his seat in the South stands.  But regardless of being here for the Avalanche’s last Stanley Cup, the Rockies only World Series appearance, and all the Broncos’ Super Bowl Victories, his wife never fails to remind him that he wasn’t at the University of Colorado in 1990, like she was.  The year the Buffs football team won the National Championship
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