In a Super Bowl that featured celebrities in the stands, clever commercials, and of course, Taylor Swift, it would be easy to lose focus as a sportswriter and simply put together 1100 words that avoided the game – and just focused on the Swifties, and their clicks.

But Super Bowl LVIII wasn’t just about Taylor. It was about heroes like Andy Reid, Travis Kelce, and Pat Mahomes. Not the Anti-Hero.

The game deserves an article that treats the play on the field with respect. Not a Blank Space.

All that attention on Taylor Swift, Beyonce, Ice Spice, and Usher. I’m just going to Shake it Off, forget about the clicks, and cover the game with dignity, class, and just maybe…

…a little glitter.

• It was all about Las Vegas at this year’s Super Bowl. The pre-game camera showed shots of cars lined up around the stadium, Wayne Newton up in the stands, and all of what the city represents. It was hard to tell the goal posts from the stripper poles.

• And that traffic around the stadium was insane. Apparently, what happens in Vegas literally stays in Vegas!

• In case you were the only one that missed it. The Kansas City Chiefs defeated the San Francisco 49ers in overtime, 25-22, to win this year’s Super Bowl, but the game started out a little slow. As a matter of fact, the only thing that was lively in that first half was Blake, sitting up in the stands with her girls, Ice Spice and Taylor Swift.

• Surprisingly, sure-handed Christian McCaffrey fumbled the ball over to the Chiefs on the very first drive of the game. Proving again that strip shows in Vegas can be awfully costly.

• The Niners eventually scored on a trick play that looked like it was drawn up by Penn and Teller. Because I have no idea how that thing worked?

• Taylor Swift almost had as many first-half receiving yards as her boyfriend, Travis Kelce (one catch for one yard). And she was definitely targeted more.

Credit via Entertainment Weekly

• If you are still wondering who the alpha is. Taylor Swift jumped on a private jet after her World Tour performance in Japan to catch Travis Kelce play in his game. Reminds me of when my mom would stop by the park to watch a few innings during my Little League years.

• The first half was so slow that I asked my wife for a lap dance during the game to make it feel more like Vegas. Hot nacho dip thrown at my lower regions was not what I had intended. But it’s a lap dance.

• The Super Bowl ads were a little disappointing as well. At one point I wondered if I should download Temu to order some better ones.

Credit via wikipedia

• I thought Jason Momoa was pretty entertaining in his T-Mobile ad. But after his performances in both Aquaman movies, anything would look good.

• And it seemed like Tom Brady was in every other commercial on Sunday. I’m surprised that he wasn’t getting his feet washed in the He Gets Us – Jesus ad.

• I believe they call it foreshadowing when the Super Bowl runs ads for Pluto TV and YouTube TV during its game. The game next year could be just trying to find it!

• It’s not going to be long before a company spends millions of dollars to advertise their product at the Super Bowl on Fox – only to find out that the game is on Peacock!

• The biggest moment of the first half was when San Francisco linebacker, Dre Greenlaw, tripped on the sideline and had to be carted away. Greenlaw ended up with less time on the field than Lil John.

• That’s so Vegas. Your buddy falls flat on his face, and the rest of you continue on like nothing happened.

• The other highlight of the first half was the intense hitting and physicality of the game. But Coach Reid doesn’t go down too easily.

• Watching Usher at halftime, it occurred to me. Brock Purdy is playing well. But Usher, Beyonce, and Lady Gaga all have more Super Bowl appearances than he does.

• And how cool was it to see Ludacris out there? No, not the rapper. I meant the game winning drive in which Marquez Valdes-Scantling turned a nice gain into a 3-yard loss. That was Ludacris!

Credit The Ace Black Movie Blog

• The second half of the game was filled with scoring, big plays, and some unfortunate luck for the Niners. Besides McCaffrey’s fumble, Jake Moody missed a crucial extra point, while late in the game, a ball deflects off a special team’s player on a punt return. I haven’t seen that much misfortune in Vegas since Willam H. Macy in The Cooler.

• The other excitement of the second half were the two shirtless streakers that ran onto the field, although the cameras never showed it. Oh, sure. Shirtless streakers you don’t show, but Jason Kelse without a shirt is scarred into my memory forever!

• That’s so Vegas. Spending thousands of dollars to see topless people running around.

Credit via wikipedia

• The Niners ended up winning the coin-flip, but in retrospect, deciding to take the ball was the worst decision since Wayne Newton’s last face lift.

• San Francisco would later take a lot of heat for not knowing the overtime rules. But in their defense, it was the most watched Super Bowl of all-time, and NOBODY knew the rules! I’m a sportswriter, and I didn’t know the rules. Of course, I also didn’t know about Temu, Pluto TV, or Ice Spice in full disclosure.

• The Niners would kick a field goal, and then it would be Kansas City’s turn. Giving the ball to Pat Mahomes down just three in overtime is like giving your credit card to a stripper. You’re not getting that back again. The Niners were going down quicker than a Taylor Swift beer chug.

• Kansas City would win the game with a touchdown pass, sparking some well-known conspiracy theories. But the real conspiracy wasn’t about Taylor, Kelce, or the Deep State. But rather, how no extra point was necessary after the score to keep the final point total at 47 – when Vegas set the line at 47.5.

• I’m not saying the fix was in, but I’m pretty confident that the only people that won money on that game were Reba McEntire and the kid that stirred the Gatorade.

It’s okay Niners. You are not the first to leave Las Vegas empty-handed and depressed. And for the Chiefs, leaving town smelling like alcohol with glitter all over your clothes is very apropos.

That’s Vegas. You’re either a bunch of men dancing around victorious like Chippendales, or you’re the Blue Man Group.

Images via Wikipedia, entertainmentweekly, theaceblackmovieblog

Alan Tapley
Alan Tapley is an educator, author, and blogger who has lived just outside of Boulder for the last twenty years.  His published work includes two novels, two children’s books, a series of cartoons in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, and multiple sports related articles. His love for family and the state of Colorado is only matched by one thing, his passion for sports.  The first baseball game he ever attended was at Wrigley Field, before there were lights.  At the final Bronco game at the old Mile High, he allegedly cut out a piece of his seat in the South stands.  But regardless of being here for the Avalanche’s last Stanley Cup, the Rockies only World Series appearance, and all the Broncos’ Super Bowl Victories, his wife never fails to remind him that he wasn’t at the University of Colorado in 1990, like she was.  The year the Buffs football team won the National Championship
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