I’m not ashamed to admit that as a grown woman A Christmas Carol still scares the bejesus out of me. (Yes, even the Muppet version.)(And in some ways, especially the Muppet version. Here I am thinking Kermie and Gonzo and the gang are going to be upbeat and darling, but NO. Their mirth is corrupted by ghosts upon ghosts that turn my favorite childhood gang into arbiters of holiday haunting. Not cool.) When I was younger the fear mostly came from the idea that I’d wake up one Christmas Eve to find powder white ghosts flailing chains at my face and I’d be forced to time travel away... Read More

I approached this week’s column with verve. Fantasy online shopping is one of my favorite procrastination past times. So the prospect of perusing offerings upon offerings for holiday gift ideas? YES, PLEASE. Then a weird thing happened. I started to feel… icky. Like I’d had a body dip in jam and then rolled around in sawdust. Icky. There were so many things. So many price points. So much that honestly… nobody really needs. I suppose I had my own little “meaning of Christmas” crisis. A crisis only because the column I intended to write was predicated on buying... Read More

It’s the hap-happiest season of all! Regardless of views on religion, capitalism, or some mixture of both, this is when make-up aficionados become their merriest, their brightest, their freakin’ holly jolliest. Why? GIFT SETS. The yuletide comes around and beauty companies go all out with medleys, deals, and trial sizes. And while the various offerings do make great gifts for most humans, what I’d like to focus on is sprucing up your make-up collection. I know the purse strings on Santa’s (AKA your) bag are probably tight, but if you plan on spending money on make-up anytime... Read More

A few weeks ago I found myself locked out of the house.  I’ll skip over the relevant details of my misguided faith in humanity, and my totally appropriately guided abhorrence for our odious HOA, and just say I was locked out. Thankfully the episode predated the absurd cold, but even so I realized how much I take for granted having a warm, safe, shelter to call home every day. I am very very lucky. So, having said that, please know that there are at least eight thousand things in life I’m thankful for that supersede what I’m about to write (such as learning the word “odious” from Gilmore... Read More

  Last week I promised you last minute Halloween make-up tutorials. That’s out the window. Turns out I need more than a week to come up with lighting that doesn’t make me look like I’ve emerged from a nap beneath a highway offramp and truth be told, all I really wanted to tutorial was how to be a kitty cat. And we can still have that discussion. Basically, go grab some waterproof liquid black eyeliner and do this to your face.  BOOM. Halloween-ed. With tutorials and felines on the brain I decided instead we could look into how to create the perfect cat eye. I know. I too am a fraidy... Read More

Okay, so apparently my threshold for horror is pretty low. Too many rounds of googling “Halloween make-up” has left me disturbed by what lengths people go to for this holiday. The “make-up” wares these Halloween stores are peddling look like a who’s who of a South Bronx Emergency Room — gunshot wound, gunshot wound, stabbing scar, gunshot wound. Why would I want to look as though my face has been blown off? Who needs hypothetical catastrophic injuries to freak themselves out?Frankly, to deliver myself a scare, I can just sleep in my night-on-the-town eye make-up, wake up, FORGO COFFEE,... Read More

I only partially chose this for the Colors of The Wind reference. via freedigitalphotos.net When I was a kid I had a knack for yearning. I yearned for blue eyes, I yearned for blonde hair, I yearned to become a My Little Pony already. I would sit with eyes and fists held tightly shut, willing straight blonde tufts to spurt out of my head. I’ll spare you the angst I spent a childhood with and just cut to the chase: it didn’t work. I’ll also sidestep the fact that I refused to play with dolls that looked like me and only wanted the Aryan ones. I’m sure my parents were thrilled by my seemingly... Read More